


The VHS player

by ShippingEruri (shippingeruri)



Series: SnK drabbles (Erwin, Levi, Mike, Farlan, ?) [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drabble, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Husbands, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 04:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12183171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shippingeruri/pseuds/ShippingEruri
Summary: From anon: "Hey prompts, prompts, prompts! What if Levi and Erwin found an old VHS tape player?





	The VHS player

“What the… ?”, Levi pulled back his head and lowered the cloth in front of his face.

“What is it?”, Erwin asked and climbed down the ladder.

“It’s a VHS tape player.”, Levi’s voice hinted excitement as he carefully pulled the device out of the box he just hat started to unpack.

“Oh wow, it’s been a while since I came across one.”, Erwin declared and knelt down next to Levi.

“I’m not sure it’s still working though. Must have been at least 20 years?”, Levi said and wrinkled his nose.

“Let me see.”, Erwin offered and took the dusty device from Levi. “Oh good lord that has been here for a long time.”

“I think my mum brought it up here when I was around ten or something, she bought a DVD player back then. Do you think it’s still working?”

“First, I’ll get rid of the dust and then, we see if it’s still working or not.”, Erwin smiled and took the device downstairs with him.

Cleaning out the house Levi’s mum had been living in until she died a few months ago was a task they both had been trying to avoid. First for Levi’s sake – he didn’t deal very well with her death – and then they both had a cold. But now with temperatures rising again, spring bringing nicer weather and sunnier days, Levi’s mood also lifted. Slowly but surely they had started to go through all her belongings, every room, every cupboard, every drawer.

A good amount of things was given to welfare – according to her last will – and Levi took some personal things with him, things that had meaning to him.

The last big task was the attic in which Levi had just found the VHS tape player and while his husband went downstairs to take a closer look at the device, Levi was going through the rest of the box.

~~~

 

“I think it gets power and it’s making noises – that’s good. But we’d need a tape to check and know for sure.”, Erwin declared after Levi had sat down on the sofa.

They both had taken a shower, put on something comfy and were about to start a relaxed evening in their own home, hot tea on the coffee table.

“I have a tape.”, Levi said with a low voice.

“Oh? What movie?”

“Not a movie – it’s a tape from the attic. It was in the box with the VHS player.”, grey eyes avoided Erwin, lips pressed together as he handed the tape over.

Erwin didn’t ask further, a lump building up in his throat, his jaws pressing together – the atmosphere in the room changed as he took the tape.

Levi curled up into a ball, covering himself with the blanket, only his face was uncovered.

Erwin gulped heavily as he gently pushed the tape – with a big label that said “5” on it – in the VHS tape player.

His eyebrows narrowed as the device made some odd noises and then seemed to be done. He switched the channels on their TV and when it read “AV” on the screen, he pressed the play button on the VHS tape player.

It took a few seconds before something happened and then the electronics started to work.

With a creaking noise the tape started to play and Erwin hurried back to the sofa, sitting next to his husband.

The smaller one was shivering under the blanket. Eyes widened and fixed on the screen while it seemed like he was holding his breath.

Erwin gulped heavily as he lay his arm around Levi’s shoulders and then forced himself to look at the TV as well.

_“Say ‘Hello’, Levi!”, a slender, beautiful woman that had to be young Kuchel, said to someone that was not yet seen._

_“Heeellloooooo”, a high pitched, excited voice was heard and the camera framed a kid. Without any doubt Levi, pointy nose and pouty lips, raven black hair that framed a pale face, dark grey eyes and while waving, he was smiling from ear to ear, revealing missing front teeth ._

_“Are you excited?”, Kuchel asked. “It’s your birthday!”._

Levi took a deep, noisy breath. His whole body was trembling as he was gasping for air now, tears rolling down his cheeks, jaws were pressing together.

Erwin widened his eyes, jumped to the VHS player and hit the stop button before he hurried back to his husband that had buried his face in his hands and was now weeping uncontrollably.

Erwin was shook, this was the second time he saw Levi crying like this – the first time was at their own wedding, out of joy – but this was something completely different. This was the longer overdue mourning that Levi had tried to avoid for all this time.

Erwin didn’t dare to speak, he just sat next to Levi, gently, with almost no weight at all, putting his arm around his husband’s shoulders and gently moving his thumb over the blanket.

He pressed his lips together, tried to stay strong, but seeing, hearing and feeling his husband cry made it almost impossible for him.

Levi was trembling now, shoulders shaking as his cries got louder.

“I’m here.”, Erwin whispered in a desperate attempt to comfort Levi and with his other hand reached for Levi’s head, gently pulling him closer.

All of a sudden Levi threw himself against Erwin, tears and snot running down his face as he clung onto Erwin’s shoulders, looking at him with pure desperation, vulnerable, heartbroken, exposed.

“It fucking hurts.”, Levi managed to somehow let Erwin know with a shaky voice, before he buried his face in Erwin’s chest and started to desperately sob and weep again.

“I’m sorry.”, Erwin whispered, running his nose through black hair, inhaling Levi’s scent. His right hand was gently wandering up and down Levi’s back now, the left one fondling his neck.

For a minute or two they just sat like this. Levi crying his heart out, Erwin having tears in his eyes, fighting to hold them back, to be strong for his husband that had done so well these last months and now with this video couldn’t control his feelings any longer.

Levi managed to look up once more, eyes all red, face wet from tears. “I’m sorry.”, he whispered and Erwin blinked irritated.

“God no, don’t be sorry, Levi. Please… do not be sorry for what you feel.”, Erwin spoke hastily. “I would like to make you hurt less. But I don’t know how.”, Erwin spoke honestly, expressing his helplessness as he furrowed his brows.

“She… I just-”, Levi’s voice cracked and a painful smile crossed his face. “She was my family. All the family I ever had-”, he managed to speak before he pressed his face against Erwin’s chest again.

“I know, and I’m so sorry, Levi.”

“Don’t be fucking sorry!”, Levi snapped back his head, giving Erwin a look that was hard to describe and his voice got louder.

Erwin blinked irritated given the sudden change in Levi’s mood but yet his hands were still caressing his husband.

“Do not be fucking sorry, Erwin Smith.”, Levi spoke gentler now, the hurting expression returning to his face as he managed a desperate smile. “You became my family the day you married me.”, the words came out sobbing again. “And this was probably the happiest day in my life – and I know that my mum loved you with all her heart.”

“She came to our wedding although the chemo was not gentle with her. But she walked down the isle with you. Gave us her blessing.”, Erwin whispered, tears now running down his face too. The memories were too vividly present now.

“I miss her so much, Erwin. And it fucking hurts.”, Levi cried against his husband’s chest again.

Erwin’s hands returned to trying to give Levi hold, be gentle with him as he placed small kisses on the raven hair.

“What do you want me to do? Just be here for you? Do you want to continue with the video?”, Erwin asked. “Maybe it hurts but it might help you remember her the way she was.”

Levi didn’t reply, instead he held his breath again before gulping heavily and then nodding hardly noticeable. “I avoided to properly grieve… I’m such an idiot and now you have to deal with -”

“I’m more than happy to be here with and for you, help you as good as I can, Levi. _‘In good times and in bad’_ – I’m here and I will always be by your side.”

“Thank you.”, Levi murmured and wiped his nose against Erwin’s shirt once more before getting himself in a more upright position and reaching for a tissue on the table. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) whose goal is to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and will reply to:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
> 



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